The end of summer

Obviously it's not the end of summer, since we all know summer does not begin until July 5th in Oregon. But it feels like the end of summer to me. It's the last day of my maternity leave. And like summer vacation used to feel in my childhood, you know how it seemed like it would never end and we could have endless care free days, but it was always laced with the underlying anxiety and eventually dread that we would return back to school. However, this anxiety does not involve what I'll wear on the first day and more about how it will be able to pump and how I'll keep my tears in throughout the day.

This has been the longest hiatus I have ever taken from work or school since I was 16 years old. And I am so sad to see it end. Not just for the freedom from work, but because I have loved spending time with our sweet Henry more than I could ever imagine.

In all the moms groups I have attended, returning to work is always a hot topic. There seems to be no easy answers or solutions. The only conclusions are that we do not live in a very family friendly country. Even Mexico gets 12 weeks PAID family leave! Anyone else wanna move to Canada or Norway?

So it is with a deep breath and the acceptance that there are many more tears to come over the next days, weeks or perhaps months that I am trying to fall asleep tonight. And as my moms group facilitator says, she would be concerned if it wasn't difficult to leave our babies.